Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Top 10 Things You Would Need To Survive The Post Apocalypse

All these thoughts about a Zombie Apocalypse have got me thinking. Of course, the fact that the mini-series The Stand was on the other day might also have something to do with it. Plus I watched a teaser trailer for the up and coming Fallout game New Vegas. Ah, the end of the world. There's nothing better to dedicate my thoughts to on a lazy day off than the end of the world.

After writing my last blog, I have been thinking a lot about the apocalypse. Therefore, to fully purge my mind of all this nonsense I have decided to declare an unofficial Apocalypse week for my blogs. So, as the title implies, I am going to try and figure out the top ten things we would need to survive after the fall of man.
First, a word on the end of the world. There are so many ways the world could end, some real and some not so real. Alien invasion, for example, would be a not so serious threat, whereas a nuclear holocaust has been a very real possibility for some time now. There could be a plague that wipes out most of humanity and the survivors will have to band together to fight the anti-christ (or insert whatever kind of ultimate evil that suits your sensibilities). Wait, I think that was a storyline in a book. It sounds familiar. What else? Zombies of course. With all the genetic manipulation that is going, the zombie thing seems like it could become an all too real possibility. There could even be an EMP (electromagnetic pulse), which is one of the side effects of a nuclear blast. That would knock everything electronic, for all intents and purposes regressing human kind, technologically speaking.
So basically, there are many ways the world could end. For the purpose of this blog, lets just assume that the world has ended, we have somehow managed to survive, and we are attempting to find our way to some kind of sanctuary where humanity still has some sway. There are hostile threats, of course, and danger everywhere. Yes, it's vague, but on purpose. You couldn't possibly plan for all eventualities. Think about the typical post-apocalyptic setting. Destroyed cities. Rabid, hungry, mutant dogs on the loose. So. What would we need to survive.
1. A knife. A simple tool, really. A Swiss Army knife would be a good choice, mostly because of all the fun little implements it comes with which could turn out to be very useful. Specifically, the can opener, scissors, and even the little tweezers. If nothing else, some kind of military combat knife would suffice. With a little ingenuity you could do most thing of the things a Swiss Army knife doe with a combat knife. Sort of. The important part is the blade itself. Not only would it make a good personal back-up weapon, it would also be useful because there are always things you would need to cut. Like butchering a deer or something. And you never know when you gonna need to cut some fool. Ya know? For me, some kind of Rambo knife. How manly would you look opening a can with a freaking Rambo knife.

2. A sword, axe, or some kind of melee weapon. This may seem strange, but some kind of weapon with more range than a knife would always be useful. Unlike a firearm of some kind, a melee weapon doesn't need ammo, so you could use it all you wanted. Of course, that means you would have to get in close to whatever it is you had in mind to fight, but I would most likely be avoiding any kind of violent encounter unless absolutely necessary. But just because fighting should be avoided doesn't mean you should not have any kind of personal defense. Well, something a little more threatening than a knife at least. An axe of some kind would be preferable. Not only can you cut down potential bad guys, you could also cut down a tree. Personally, I would chose a katana. Why? Cause I'd look like a badass wandering the wasteland with a katana strapped to my back.

3. A rifle. Bolt-action, preferably. Why, because bolt-action rifles are easier to take care of. A rifle would be primarily used for hunting, or engaging an unfriendlies at extreme distances. You could opt for an assault rifle of some kind, but I wouldn't. Since ammo would be finite, it would be all too easy to start spraying down the area and next thing you know, you are out of bullets. I would instead go with something like an old German Kar98. Powerful, accurate, and it could be used as a bludgeon if necessary, whereas you don't really want to go around hitting people with an assault rifle. They are a little too delicate for that. Some would claim that ammo would have to occupy another slot on the list, but since it's my list, well, it goes with the rifle. Besides, if it didn't have any bullets why would I even care?

4. Flint. This one is pretty obvious. So you can build a fire.

5. Body armor of some kind. Whether it is a leather jacket, a flak vest, or even a shirt of chain mail, protecting your body is of utmost importance. For me, some kind of ballistic vest would do, although if I could find a full chain mail shirt I would go with that. Chain mail is pretty easy to repair, while I wouldn't know the first thing about repairing kevlar. Plus, once again taking into account the badass factor, chain mail would look freaking cool!

6. A good pair of shoes. Obviously, there would be a lot of walking involved so you would want something comfortable. In this scenario, your mobility would be one of your greatest assets, so you gotta protect your feet. Some kind of combat boot would be ideal. Plus plenty of socks, although that would probably have to take up another slot. I would pick something with steel toes and I would refer to them as my "mutie-stompers."

7. A coil of fishing line. There are many things you could use this for. Fishing, obviously. You could also set snares for rabbits and such, floss your teeth, or even garrote somebody. Never underestimate a coil of fishing line.

8. A Camelbak. You would need something to carry water in. This seems like the best option because you can carry water without it impeding your movement. Plus, you wear it, so no worries about leaving it behind. How much would that suck. You just walked ten miles and you realize you left you canteen on the rock you were sitting on the last time you stopped.

9. Eye Protection. Sunglasses, goggles, just something to protect your eyes.

10. Binoculars. Since the name of the game is avoiding trouble, binoculars would be invaluable. Imagine coming across what seems to be a deserted town. All you have to do is bust out your binocs and check it out without even getting close. It would be even better if they were night vision equipped, although the battery would probably die eventually.

I realize that others might have some different criteria to fulfil. But as you might have noticed, I not only want to survive in the post-apocalypse, I want to look like a badass while doing it. Hell, i'd probably even grow a mohawk or something, like on The Road Warrior with Mel Gibson. For some reason, probably because I watched that movie many times, when I think of the post-apocalypse I think mohawks. Weird, huh. Of course, then I would have to use up one of my ten slots for hair gel. Maybe I could do without the flint.