10.) i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…
9.) i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
8.) i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…
7.) I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
6.) Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
5.) I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
4.) so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
3.) Person A: he said he didn’t have a condom…; Person B: and you said?…; Person A: that that’s fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah – he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
2.) Person A: I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me…; Person B: How was it?; Person A: Fantastic, but that’s not the point.
1.) This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?